opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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