what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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