Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
