need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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