You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
