You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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