Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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