I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
