It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
