This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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