if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
