I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
