your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
