Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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