I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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