our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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