i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
