i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
