What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
