peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
