I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
