Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
