My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
