remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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