...so i touched it.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
we should paint friendship bongs
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
