She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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