I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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