after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
