Got a toothbrush?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
