so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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