Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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