This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Shame - the story of my life.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
