Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize