THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
