i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
