Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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