There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
