its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
