he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
