just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
