So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
