the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
