im drinking this country out of the recession.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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