the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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