I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
