i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
