Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
