I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
