im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
