I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
