I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
