The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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