did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
